Monday, April 9, 2012

Gap Casting Call AKA Personal Ads for Kids

Here's the link:

I'm not sure if it'll work forever, but right now it points to the Gap's current casting call for the new face of the company. How outstandingly exciting!! I was reading through the boys' postings and couldn't help but feel like they're a bunch of personal ads.

"Mason is always smiling! Everyone loves him! He can't fail at anything!"

"Zack is playful and athletic and always happy! The smiles are never ending!"

"Boston is the best human being ever! He has never experienced pain or disappointment, so he should win this competition today! And he smiles all day, even in his sleep!"

(I'm paraphrasing here)

I think there's something wrong with me, because I'm THIS close to adding this photo of some random internet kid pic and this description:

Max is a sullen, arrogant little boy who hates to lose at board games. He refuses to take pictures, hides when it's time for school, and last week he pushed a toddler face down into a snow-covered sandbox. While he lacks all charm and his personality leaves much to be desired, his soulless eyes will inspire hoards of people to purchase GAP clothes.

Your thoughts? Am I trending toward evil now?


  1. If you are trending towards evil, then I approve and will be your co-pilot on this magic carpet ride.

    Do you remember the SATC ep when the girls rent a car and venture to the suburbs for their (formally wild) friend's baby shower? One of the guests proclaims to them something along the lines of, "My son is perfect like a god and I tell him so everyday!" The look on Miranda's face was priceless.

  2. I would buy clothes worn by that random Internet boy with your description just to smite all the never-ending smiley ones. That is probably trending toward evil.

  3. Last week, I went to the OB. The nurse asked the ages of my two children. 3 1/2 years and 21 months.
    "Wow, they must keep you on your toes, and make you a little crazy."
    "Yes," I said. "In a thirty-second span I can love them, then hate them, then love them again."
    Ha! I walked away. But now I wonder whether I should have said that out loud. Does my file now contain a note about hating my children? My impending mental collapse? A referral to CPS?
    New Gap ad: "As much as you love your children, we know that at times you hate them. Send us a picture of the moments when you hate them the most! We'll cast the most demonic-looking child!" My photo would feature the spinning-head moment when my youngest refuses to leave the house. She collapses on the floor, and flails her arms and legs. This usually occurs in the doorway while I'm holding something spillable in one hand, and my eldest is running down the sidewalk at full speed. I have to scoop up the one on the floor with one arm in order to chase down the older one. Hate dot com?

  4. This is awesome. Though I must admit I entered my 3 biased entries laced with charm and a cover of endless joy (that is true most of the time. Mostly)... They, and the 500,000 other entries, are full of bull at least a fraction of any given day. Perhaps the contest should only allow pics taken just as the child rises for school. Rises along with the sunshine. And the caption should read the first words uttered by the little darling. Show me bright and sunny now! Game on.